what next?

I don't really like to write about my life anymore because it is a series of hope leading to fallen-through plans.
I'm surprised I miraculously made to graduation. Just obtaining my cap and gown was an uphill fight and then some. It still hasn't sunken in and I'm sure for years to come, I'll continue dreaming about being late to school, missing my stop, and missing an assignment.
I haven't stopped having such dreams since I walked the aisle haha

I don't have plans yet. I just want to rest and clean myself up a bit first.

While sounding incredibly ranty, I am not! I just realized that idealizing things that are temporary and materialistic has no interest to me anymore, thus I gave up trying to find things to talk about because no one likes sounding forced.

My experience at SVA was pretty worthwhile, but it is still no surprise to me that while my social life has improved, most of my friends are outside the art world. As for art skills? I don't think I can reach beyond high school student's level... and I was told just that. But right now, sadly art isn't a priority now. Right now I want to secure some sort of income.

 macarons, courtesy of someone who I don't spend enough time with.

Until then? I'm taking it [somewhat] easy, because those loans don't repay themselves. If anything has sunken in, it's the realization that life probably becomes even more mundane now.

WEBSITE.

You heard me right. It's here. That thing I promised to do.

Made a website.

It's cool. It's neat. And it's fat-free.

www.jenniferdraws.com

And it's got artwork on it. And if that doesn't amaze you then get o-....

~

One of my professors stated that February is one of the worst months of the year, and I agree. There isn't much that doesn't frustrate me lately, and there is very little that that doesn't.
sold out Amon Amarth tickets is hardly comparable to a night of drinking to relieve sorrows
Anyways.

Since it's already February, there's less than a month left to spring break. I hoping by the end of that week I would have already decided what platform my official website will be built on, and that there would actually stuff up on it.

I'm moving back again, so I'm hoping to have -some- amount of space to do art. In a perfect world I would have an actual room with a door for my studio. It'd be nice if the whole packing/unpacking step was magically done now, so I can decide whether to decorate/ add lights/ buy plants or not. What I really would like is a full-length easel; not like I would be painting anything that big that I need one, but it's significantly better to paint on a canvas the way you're going to be viewing it: straight up, so you know exactly what you're getting. 

eating and painting?!

I actually have a number of paintings completed since the spring semester started, but no photos today. Some other time, for sure. At the moment, there's a lot of other things to take care of that I haven't done yet...

the News I mentioned before

I'm preparing for the Society of Illustrator's show. I'll submit what I can. I can't promise winning anything spectacular but I want to be at least prepared to meet art directors that will be present. That means I have to get some kind of fancy list of contacts if I were to, ahem, put myself out there.

That means business card and some kind of website. I still only have my Behance but now I made a Facebook page as well. It's super new so it's quite bare at the moment, but it's there and up for messages from anyone who also has a Facebook.
So please, check it out here!!→  ★★★★★

Now that this blog is connected to my more legitimate sites, I think personal and non-art posts will have to cease eventually. I want to change the layout for the site as well. That will also come eventually. 

I hope you all have a fantastic New Year. This has been quite an eventful year for me; I've had my soul-crushing downs many times, but I've also had some really nice experiences I thought I could never achieve. It really only feels like it was yesterday when I was writing a similar new year's post.

 Don't lie, you know after a while New Year's feels exactly like this.

I won't be available for contact after this point, so onwards, to 2014!! 

back to basics

Not sure why, but this blog title reminds me when I had actual TV and would watch Barefoot Contessa at that time of the day when I get bored, almost everyday. Anyways.

I'm certain I didn't get to talk about this guy yet, but I consider him one of the reasons why attending SVA is worthwhile for me. Because I know nothing about my own art, my other instructors told me, based on how and what I like to paint, I would benefit greatly from taking a technique class taught by a maestro of portrait painting.

I enjoyed this class so much. There is not one time when he speaks and I don't stick my nose into the business, and I leap out of my spot in excitement whenever he has a painting he made to show as examples on how to improve what we can do. It wasn't difficult but keeping up with the methodology is necessary. This is a early to mid-noon class but once you start, you don't stop and results can be surprising.
Unfortunately I have a children's book illustration class overlapping this class and because my career is steering more that way, priorities, priorities.

Well, here's a 90% portrait I did, done at the end of the semester.

I also have a full-body painting as well.  

**Careful, there's nudity beyond this point. 

the unfamiliar ceiling

So recently, I caught the cold my sister had and it was the most exciting week ever; if one considers being barely able to talk and being  generally all around uncomfortable exciting.

Winter break's finally here, but thanks to some circumstances I think there's no way I can enjoy it. I'm just so anxious thinking about things and over-thinking more things. Just how vulnerable am I supposed to let myself be and not get hurt?

Well anyways. I fully enjoy the amount of metal CD's my school's library carries. Not sure if SVA gets the CD's via donations or what, but if that's the case, I want to know who's that awesome fan who's kind to spread the metal love. And it's just not CD's of the Big 4 and something lame like Slipknot; there's genuine stuff, such as Death, Sepultra, and Dio.

I totes picked up this Mastodon piece for looks. 

And because I did want to take advantage of Coastal Scent's Black Friday 50% off everything sale, I got my rear into gear and got me concealer that I really needed, and decided to throw in a spanking new set of brushes. I love Coastal Scents and their great prices!

I really haven't been posting as much artwork as I would have liked. I've been neglecting everything: schoolwork for non-school work and housework for schoolwork. Of course there's personal issues as well. I suppose hibernating can temporarily solve these problems but at the end of the day, it just proves that I'm not as responsible as I think I am, haha.

感謝祭・・・。

To be honest, I believe there's hardly anything to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. I suppose my humidifier is nice though. I used to think the humidifier won't really change things for me much until I started nose-bleeding out of nowhere a bit ago.. that's when I thought I should probably take action. It's nice to not have the insides of my nose to be bothering me now.

Like my senior year of high school, it seems like the very same kind of angst and self-doubt from four years ago is back to haunt me in my senior year of college... and to remind me everyday that I'm no winner, in every aspect of my life and personality possible.

Well. After much unneeded consideration, all there's left for me to do is to continue painting or something. And shopping, how I love shopping. Coastal Scent's got a 50% everything for Black Friday and a CD I'd like is 10% off until December. And baths. And champagne.

Speaking of which, every trip to LUSH is such a traumatizing experience; I understand the staff are required to sell, convince, sell to every costumer that walks in, but PLEASE. When the costumer is stating clearly she/he wants to shop alone, leave them alone! I had one staff tail me around the already tiny shop, no breathing space at all, especially since she kept shoving products under my nose as I'm already checking out others. I had to grab what was closest to me and RUN for it rather than y'know (and ironically), enjoy shopping for products that's supposed to help me relax.

Only a little bit more until the semester is over. It crept up on me again; whoops, look at all this stuff I have to do but didn't do...

I'll write that report

...but today is not that day. It was different but I haven't gone to a show I haven't had fun at.

I'm just going to drop this off here since I did pretty much finish it. 

Unfortunately my time-management remains poor so work from other classes are falling behind. I'm hoping it gets a lot better next semester, as I again... built my own hell when I picked my own classes.

I also have to say that I had yet another disappointing Halloween, like the last three years; it was all because of not surprisingly: school, and I would conveniently have the longest school day on Halloween, or a night class that I couldn't be out enjoying the night life.. I have 360-something days left to plan next year's but I'm just too bitter because I hoped it do Halloween one last time before I sell my soul to paying off student loans.

As the more uneventful my life gets, the more shows I'm inclined to throw money that I don't really have at. Which reminds me I already have two events planned for next year. That's something at least.

Unfrequently unasked questions

 That class that I took that was only half semester turned out the be the class I was most interested in. It also makes you wonder why studio classes, although really are meant for producing work, never, ever mention a hint or clue on how to profit off your work; not even as a casual conversation.

Because I want to talk about other artists' work as a fellow artist, the cool dude who taught this business course is this guy. Super nice person and his graphic stuff is great.

Anyways, the last assignment was to make a promo card. Working primarily in oils now, it only makes sense to make a oil piece that reflects a portfolio also mostly consisting of oil pieces.

It came out so well I kind of regret doing this on flimsy canvas board. It's by no means a final; the original painting and card definitely need more work done on them.
I wanted to feature my lovely OC/mascot and hint to clients that I don't shy away from dark themes while keeping up with fantasy themes influenced by both classical Renaissance and contemporary style.

Don't quote me on that though... I've been told by some people that the best work you make as an artist comes long after graduating college. Business can be fun when you're a artist since it's less formal and you're kind of required to have a personality.

wicked webs we weave

Earlier this week I finally went and saw the doctor for those crippling stomach pains I mentioned before

According to the doctor, it could be one of three things: 1)stress, 2) reactions to certain foods or the changing weather, 3) virus. I was prescribed some tablets and I haven't really been feeling problems since taking them which is good; I was really hoping it was not serious to the point I needed surgery.

It's just so stupid.. myself and what I got myself into. Again the way my schedule is, I thought having one class everyday may not be a problem, but it really makes things worse for me time-wise.
I also just realized, having been in the Honors Program for three years I finish all my humanities credits but I have to make up the studio credits in one year. Plus I really do spend more time commuting to/from school than being in class for many days. It's just such a time-consuming process; I already have enough school work as it is but when I need to do other adult-responsibility things, I've got no energy or time to get to it.

Instead of enjoying my last year as a student and all the benefits I get from it, I'm just scrambling day by day by day to get my homework finished (if I get it finished at all).
 
All I want to do instead of spending hours hunched over a flimsy, obstructive table painting.

by Elizabeth Shippen Green.

I'll be getting those Wednesdays off soon, even though all I'll really be doing is just homework (and if I'm really feeling like having having fun, laundry and housework!) on that day for the rest of the semester. ww My grades sure hell damn better be good considering my current lifestyle.

And yet not a moment all too soon I write another post. It feels like late October weather-wise; I already started spotted some trees changing color. Will probably have to break out the flannel soon and my feel are already icy just by walking from my room to the kitchen!

I'm so drained from the schedule, and so is my wallet. The class I switched into is probably the most expensive class I'll ever take, as well the most brutal, classwork-wise... Though my pop-book class may be more irritating for reasons I won't state here. I really don't feel like a college senior, which I heard is rumoredly the most "fun" and "laid back" year. I ain't feeling it.
On top of my anxiety, I've been having crippling stomach pains for almost two weeks; as if my eating schedule isn't already always-fcked by said school anxiety. It's to the point where I'm terrified of eating or else face cramps strong enough to knock me off my feet. The pains got so severe that I was woken out of my sleep from it, and spend a good while moaning and trying not to puke. Now that my sister's got a cold it's inevitable I'll get it too since we share the same room and it's happened once already.

Also I finally gave Ensiferum a listen during the past weekend.

Accurate, but no IRL sieges though; I'd quit school and just be warrior if that really happened

Now I know what other CD's I'm adding to my Xmas list. I never realized how awesome it is to have the physical music in your hands, now that I can actually afford some with my grown-up money. Plus it's nice to have backup when your computer/iTunes crashes...

JUMALAUTA

SCHOOOOOL UGHHHH

Yes yes, I should be grateful and love school and all that, but I just can't help but get 2495843 knots in my stomach when ever I have relating, for, and from school. Sometimes it's not even the workload, it's the people. I think the reason why I liked working in the office than going to class is because in the office, that young adult/teen-drama doesn't really exist, but college students take their highschool behavior with them.
That aside, I'm think going to be switching one of my classes. This class requires me to get up early for yet another morning class and lasts six hours, with another three-hour class right afterwards. But I believe it's worth it; I much rather take a class that improves my technique so I can paint what I love better, than to take a class that the only guideline is to "do the assignment, if you have concerns too bad."
Brutal stuff coming up.

But I have to say I had a pretty good birthday this year. Last year's was pretty awful; that but I guess the cynicism turned out for nothing. I got quite of bit of gifts, not to show off but I think they're definitely better than last year's.

not pictured: ticket to yet another live showklsjdf

On my actual birthday my family tried to surprise me with some tiramisu, but I ruined the surprise myself. ww It was still nice though. 

I'm still more or less in summer vacation mode... I'm hoping I can snap out of it and get down to business since it is my last year. I can't even concentrate writing this blog, haha.

It's another painting!

Probably the last one I can squeeze in before class starts.... So soon ughhh ;A;

And no, I didn't get to anything that I was planning to do this summer, again orz ~ That must be what life is like when you're god-awful at multitasking like me and have actual jobs.

But I have to say this summer was quite nice. I got to meet some nice people at work and learned lots. I didn't go out much since I'm always either sleeping, working, or being lazy but when I had fun, I had fun. I have some things I really need to take care of though, like updating my ID at the DMV.... and making accessories for my Halloween costume.

But before that, the painting in progress.

I really love that nail polish while I loathe navy blues on clothes. I should remove it soon. 

It's called "Phallic" by Illamasqua.

Let's see how much I can get done before September rolls around...  Thinking about it, I actually HAVE improved my painting skills since freshman year at SVA, especially in painting technique.

Oh no, Ben Affleck is the new Batman.

Wintersun @ Irving Plaza 8/8/2013

Oh god this show was seriously amazing. One of the best I've gone to because I lucked out but then I suddenly got all the luck back. I promised myself I see Wintersun again and I'm just so happy to be part of their first headlining tour in North America.

I don't work on Thursdays at this internship so I did as what I usually did on my live day. I wasn't sure if this Wintersun show was going to be as big as when they opened for Eluveitie (which sold out because of Wintersun, not Eluveitie) so I wanted to get there early. To my surprise I was there early enough that I can still see the venue's sign from my place on queue. My 晴れ女ness worked out well because it rained when I got on the train and stopped when I got out and rained two minutes before I got into the venue.
Also, I have to state that I'm not a big fan of recording at concerts because I like to enjoy the show rather than focus on recording. But I thought I would try something new this time and I made the last minute decision to my camera out of coat check and bring it with me.

I'm dreaming of a land of Snow and Sorrow~

That's a Wintersun song. Only two more weeks from tomorrow will I see them again!

Seriously, it's just too hot which is why I haven't been painting at all. I need a stupid canvas but it's just too hot to go out into the city. It took me forever to decide to get masonite or a cheap canvas but I finally decided with the latter; at least the edges won't scrape as easily. I just hope I can put it in my profile despite materials.
I've been a bad illustrator eh? :| It's already the end of July and I've done since Crimson was doodles!

I spent a good amount of this month hating everything moreso than usual. Like:
•How at every meal I eat until bursting and then feeling fat,
•How it's near-impossible to not buy food that isn't without some kind of carb when having to eat out,
•How businesses are flat-out ignoring my emails/calls when I want to buy something from them or want to use their services,
•How my skin, no matter what I do hates me back and rebels against looking not-diseased,
•How PoupeeGirl, which I've been playing since 2009 is possibly shutting down soon,
•Not having money for anything (and I said I wanted to buy stuff lol)

I don't know why small stuff is really ticking me off lately. I'm still hanging onto the positive aspects of this internship, but goodness are the people I work with are really dense at times. I won't write about that here though, tempting as it is.

Now, let's relax and listen to this guy sing enka.

It's been over two years since my favorite band broke up, and while I don't associate myself with the music nor fandom anymore, I sort of remembered why it was my favorite band after this video.

Does your favorite band's drummer own at singing?

an illustrated blog post

I was reading a blog that I liked and the owner talked about this book called Cherry Coke by Outa Uni. It was pretty much a visual illustrated diary and it was mostly about the author's shopping finds and other fashion related things. So I tried doing the same.

 It's hard to see what's going on, so follow the cut for close ups!

it's another hot day~

Happy July 4th. Feels like I haven't been around here much. I feel like all my recent days pretty much only consisted of going to the office and melting in my chair as there's no AC. The only thing I've learned at my job so far was the true meaning of wearing skinny jeans in hot weather.

So I celebrated my day off today, my way.

Or alternatively, a picture of what's really going on!

 The movie's called Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, if you're wondering. I like it quite a bit. Jay aka Jason Mewes sparked my usual fetish attraction to white guys with long fair hair, but that's not the whole reason why I watched it. It kinda reminded me of Half-Baked, which I watched with my sister late one night. Both are luzly.
I'll be reading Kevin Smith's stuff when there's nothing to do at work. I try to draw too, but it gets so hot in there I just usually try to stay as still as possible to keep myself to overheating any more.

I'm doing a bunch of art stuff at the same time hence the dry period.. and the little doodle up there. But I'll be updating with more genuine things soon, I promise!

Update time~ (slightly NSFW)

I have a few things to talk about but as art being a priority, I'll announce that I have finally finished my only painting I was working on since my summer break started.

I present to you, "Crimson."

Better than nothing, but I'm slightly upset at how darn slow I am. I currently have two other sketches done for (hopefully) future paintings. Unfortunately whether or not I'll get to finish them is another story.
I'm slightly nervous all my sketches for future paintings are starting to look the same, especially in the composition department. I was never good at dynamic angles but eh... =/

On a art-related note, a couple weeks ago I visited ye ol' Met Museum for Punk: From Chaos to Couture. I have some sketches but they're not that great compared to my McQueen's Savage Beauty ones from 2011. Of course I'll post them, along with a mini report.

And for not so art-related things: I like my current internship so far. I'm not being paid a much, but then again it's near impossible to find an internship that pays like a regular job. The perks: I have my own mini cubicle, I get to eat, I get to use the bathroom, I'm allowed to dress nice. Best of all, I don't deal with whiny kids. My computer has a functioning headphones jack, and my cubicle is by the window so I stay cool even though the AC is broken.

Want to know what I got from my first paying week?

I'm pumped to see them again! I was so certain I wouldn't see any concert before I started class but it was such a lovely surprise when I came across their Facebook announcement for their first headlining US tour. Can't wait~♪ Who knows, I might even join their contest to have dinner with the Wintersun guys...

So...If I was asked if I rather be doing this internship in the city or be working at the other place close to home, I pick the internship. My lady boss seems to like me so if I put this internship down on my resume, I'm hoping she'll agree to be my reference. So yes, I'll werk it.

dakfndkafda

It was time for me to say farewell to my computer. It was about years old and contained a lot of files, music and pictures I can now never get back. At the apartment, the power goes off abruptly pretty often which didn't help, so it's a mix of my hard drive dying from age and the constant power surges frying it.

Well. I'm half in a state of shock and slight despair, and half "well, I guess it means a new start...." alll my music is goneee flkdjldsl

Right now I'm on this ancient laptop that is really hard to press some keys and smells extremely undesirable. ):

Everything is shit now lol. When can I hang out with people and have a life again?

Life is flashing before my eyes..

I can't believe it's halfway through May already. I feel like all I did was go to work, run around until my back/ankles give in, go home and it's magically 2AM when I crash... And no, I do not enjoy my job, hehe. But people are just so incompetent, spoiled and rude, it makes my blood boil and I wonder how on earth they are able survive with the way they treat others.
Seriously, almost broke down in front of everyone today...

Enough about that. I barely have time to paint because I'm constantly being called in on days I'm supposed to have off, or some newly hired person decides to never come back, so I'm left to deal with their work.

This was what I was able to rustle up with the little time I had. I knew time management for the things I want to do over the summer would be difficult, but I didn't expect impossible!

And for my confession of the day: I've been watching Kuroshitsuji lately. I avoided it like the plague before because it came off as something specifically geared for yaoi-crazed otaku fans. It's not bad from what I see; it's interesting enough for me to want to continue watching.

As a sucker for gothic/victorian/art-deco styled illustrations on top of EGA and EGL fashion, Ciel Phantomhive is the character of interest for me. There, I said it!

EDIT: To heal my aching heartby reading stories of unreasonable customers on the lovely fyeahretailrobin, this [conveniently and surprisingly relevant]gem came up.

OH THIS WAS GLORIOUS AND I SNORTED TOO HARD HAHA. 

Albeit busy, I'm doing a lot better with the productive summer (art-wise) now then I did before.